The Twelve Dates of Christmas Time

I am publishing a few cryptic status updates on Facebook recently in regards to the many suitors within my crazy life that is dating. Since going back online, i have had some super weird horror tales (that we’ll save yourself for the subsequent entry) but also for now, we thought you would enjoy a far more in depth description regarding the guys I’m conversing with.

I personally use the term “men” instead loosely!

Suitor no. 1: Name: JJ Age: 39 Height: 6’3 Job: Engineer Lives: longer Island OkCupid Match: a disappointing 69% he shall be called by us JJ, mostly because that’s the nickname just their sibling is allowed to make use of. From other people, he hates it. Kinda just like me with Kimmy. It is possible to phone me personally Kim, Kimberly, or Kimba, but also for the passion for all plain things holy, PLEASE try not to call me personally Kimmy. (Unless you are my small cousin. I am called by him Timmy. Cutest thing ever! ) JJ and I also have already been dating for all months. We came across on line and their writing hooked me above whatever else. He is incredibly intelligent, specialized in their work, well look over, super nerdy, and extremely high. Our times have actually included pizza and guy of metal, every day during the coastline, and a swanky supper with their buddies among countless other people. We have been therefore good together. We knew We adored him fairly in the beginning, and would happily stop trying my solitary woman status for a genuine relationship with JJ. Since he is not “ready” to be exclusive / invested in me personally, he stated which he’s “completely okay” with me personally speaking with other dudes. We occur to understand that he is NOT okay using this, however if that is what he wishes me personally to do, than We’ll do so. Enter the remaining portion of the Suitors. Reputation: UNKNOWN

Suitor # 2: Name: My Colleague’s Father’s company Partner’s Son — you might have previously find out about him in the last weblog entry, My husband to be. Age: 29 Height: 6’0 Job: Construction worker everyday Lives: has his home that is own on Island OkCupid match: No clue, although i might like to discover! My teammate at the office wished to set me up with no. 2 more than a year ago, and through a few circumstances, we never ever came across. He finally got my quantity and then we’ve been texting for all months. We have had a couple of phone that is good, however the many disappointing thing ended up being he had been cigarette smoker. Instant deal breaker in my situation.

Suitor no. 3: title: Dan Age: 38 Height: 6’0 Job: IT for the appropriate company in NYC everyday lives: Astoria OkCupid Match: 82% Dan and I also had been speaking earlier in the day come early july, I just did not need to get harmed once again! Before i obtained frightened of males (which actually means) He delivered great communications, high in witty remarks and insightful humor. He is smart and simple to keep in touch with making me feel immediately comfortable. Before we took my profile down for many months, we delivered Dan this message: “Hey, I’ve got some personal material happening right now, so am taking my profile straight down for some time. If you should be nevertheless on here once I reactivate it (which for your benefit i really hope you are not), you’re going to be the very first individual We message. ” Wouldn’t you realize it, a couple of months later on we updated my profile and within a day of logging on, Dan had written in my experience. He stated, “Hey, i am hoping you needed to sort everything out that you took the time. Every couple was checked by me of times to see if perhaps you were online once more. We missed speaking with you. Welcome back. ” And simply like this, Dan and I also began communicating each and every day. He is also simpler to speak to now that i understand him better. We share loves of bacon, jazz, Cards Against Humanity, new york, farmer’s areas, and nation music. Dan and I also just just just take photos of y our text and food them to one another on a regular basis. He calls me personally through the supermarket to say things such as ” we have pasta and eggs at home. Exactly what can we make with this? ” and I also talk him through the aisles to generate one thing delicious. Our very first telephone call ended up being as he ended up being wandering the supermarket, and it also felt therefore normal. It felt like us. Reputation: ACTIVE

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Suitor # 4: title: Steve Age: 32 Height: 5’11 Job: petrol fireplace repairman everyday lives: longer Island (way to avoid it east) OkCupid Match: 89% Steve and I began speaking about our shared passion for tea. The very first time he texted me personally, we’d both just sat right down to a hot glass of Trader Joe’s Pomegranate White Tea! Of all of the teas on earth to be consuming at the time, fate tossed us to the exact exact same cup that is steamy. We took this as being a sign that is good therefore we had a number of hour-long telephone calls. Steve provided me with their final title so of course I facebook stalked him. (Sorry people but it is 2013 — knowledge is power! ) There have been a few pictures of him by having a little youngster, but he’d never talked about a young child prior to. Their twitter handle had been on the website, therefore I seemed that up too. Probably the most tweet that is recent “My crazy bitch of a ex spouse whom hates me personally because of the fire of one thousand suns is stalking my twitter feed. Get fucking figure! ” There have been a couple of other explicit tweets about just getting 4 hours per week along with his son, her being psycho, the entire world ass that is generally sucking. We do not judge anybody centered on their social media marketing, but that may seem like too much luggage for me personally to manage right from the start. Sorry, Steve. Reputation: ELIMINATED DUE TO ANGRY TWEETS

Suitor #12: title: The Pianist Age: 31 Height: 6’0 Job: Concert Pianist and Piano Teacher Lives: brand brand New Jersey (ugh) OkCupid Match: 93% The Pianist is incredibly achieved, educated, cultured, well look over, and well traveled. He spends nearly all of their amount of time in Manhattan and made a decision to reside in nj-new jersey for the scene of NYC. He could’ve lived in Brooklyn for the views of y our reasonable skyline, but he prefers the impression of suburbia amidst the big town. He could be additionally an admirer of inexpensive gasoline, low fees, and a variety that is wide of. He plays piano at sets from business activities to private parties to concert halls. He shows pupils through the protege that is youngest to your collegiate elite. He’s type and thoughtful and keeps in touch just sufficient therefore that i understand he is thinking about me personally, yet not plenty as to frighten me personally away. He is Armenian, that we knew absolutely nothing about except that the Kardashians are Armenian. (excuse me ahead of time towards the whole nation of Armenia that the Kardashian clan could be the thing that is only learn about your nation! Really, i did not even comprehend that much. The Pianist said! ) He is wonderful thus far and I also am extremely excited to access understand him better. Reputation: ACTIVE

Suitor #13: Name: Nick the Dick Age: an overgrown adolescent Height: gutter Job: irritating individuals everyday lives: in a dark and dirty destination OkCupid Match: it is simply absurd Alright, i am aware that we said there were twelve times of Christmas time, but I experienced to throw this 1 on once and for all measure. Bad, unlucky thirteen. Nick had been charming enough online but whilst the saying goes, “Good in some recoverable format, shit in actual life. ” Nick skipped within the texting area of the on the web dating progression and called me the moment he got my quantity. He had been extremely talkative (an excessive amount of so! ) and I also could not get a term in edgewise. He said which he does not have confidence in love being all “doves and butterflies and performing and shit. Love is not that way. It really is crap in most cases. You have simply surely got to find some one you can easily tolerate. ” He also stated that whenever children that are raising “it’s best to simply place a sack over their heads often so that they shut up and listen. Guess what happens they do say about violence: whether or perhaps not it’s not working, you aren’t utilizing an adequate amount of it! ” Last but not least, as he asked just just exactly what my weirdest internet dating experience is, we told him concerning the man a week ago who desired to pee on (with? ) me. Nick’s reaction had been “therefore I guess permitting me simply take a shit for you is going regarding the concern, cause you are a prude? ” Status: ELIMINATED ON THE BASIS OF HAVE YOU BEEN KIDDING that is FUCKING ME.